Men and women long to have fulfilling relationships regardless of age. The complexities of relationships change as we mature over time. The wonderful fact is that everyone changes; however, some faster than others. We have an innate desire to be with others that complement us at that particular season of our lives. I have often fallen to my demise at this initial step. I expected my significant others to be at the same pinnacle point in their life as I was. My life seemed to go in a downward spiral leading to unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships, thus my feeling of self-worth plummeted at the same time. Sound familiar?
I asked myself what needed to change. What was wrong with me? Why could I not find my sought after soulmate? Was it me or them? I took a deep dive with the assistance of Diane, from www.theartofwaking.com, and performed an internal diagnostic test. This was 100% free, but I had to be honest with myself and put aside all of the resistance, excuses, baggage, and thoughts of procrastination. It was imperative that I take my time and get back to basics.
Let me give you some background…I was initially married at age 21 and divorced at 30. I know that most of my readers are going to say well, ‘What did you expect, marrying at such a young age?’, but hear me out. Yes, that was extremely young, but, hey, if I didn’t go through adversity, I would not be able to be here to share with you how to overcome challenges and to find and create a beautiful long-lasting relationship.
Relationships. Generally, you instantly think of two people, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, and wives, right. All of these are correct; however, none of these will solely create a gratifying long-lasting relationship for you. What I am getting ready to say may seem simple; but if performed in the proper way it can save you heartache, frustration, anger, depression, or anxiety. No, this is not a gimmick or an expensive course to purchase.
To unlock the secret to developing a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship after a break-up or divorce is 100% free, but it takes a lot of work. It resides in YOU! In order for you to be satisfied or have the feeling of fulfillment, you MUST put in the work. It is impossible for anyone else to make you happy if your mindfulness, self-awareness, and self-regulation are not sound. All of these factors make up part of our overall Emotional Intelligence (EI). If you are getting ready to say, ‘been there, done that’ you are already missing the point.
It is crucial to self-evaluate. Mindfulness means being in a present state while you intentionally recognize and focus on the here and now without action. Self-awareness means to know your emotions, strengths, weakness, and what leads to our inspiration. Self-regulation is our capacity to manage our emotional state and our ability to think before acting. Self-evaluation is the journey that is necessary for internal freedom.
You have a superior version of yourself trapped within that you may not even know exists. It is just waiting for you to discover it. You may feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster. Soul-shower tears are encouraged during the self-evaluation process. Diane informed me that this allows the resistance or pain to leave the body and for you not to hold on to it anymore. This is a natural response and critical to your success.
UNLOCKING THE SECRET:
The Courage to Journey Within
- Set aside time to meditate and reflect daily. Notice where your mind naturally wanders. Take deep breaths. Practice positive self-affirmations. Do not judge or try to control your thoughts during this process. This practice will increase your mindfulness while you focus on the present.
- Self-evaluate, recognize, AND accept where you are right now. Cover EVERY facet of your life, i.e. relationship, family, profession, finances, health, etc. Say these things aloud. What did you come up with? Whatever your answer(s), write all of them down or type in a journal app.
- Interview yourself *My personal favorite!* This step changed my life forever! I became in tune with myself and learned the most from this process. Interview yourself as if you were applying for your dream job or devising the plans for your next start-up company. Leave no question unanswered. Get personal. Yes, topics that make you uncomfortable or you have tried to bury. Challenge yourself and take responsibility for ALL of your actions and choices, the good and the bad. It is imperative that you make yourself uncomfortable. This is the ONLY way you to grow and find the necessary answers for a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship. Thought-provoking questions to get you started are below.
- When have I been at my happiest?
- What particular moment(s) will I forever cherish?
- What particular moment(s) started my decline in happiness?
Is that something that I can fix now or is it in the past? If now, what steps can I take to rectify the underlying issue? If in the past, be grateful that I survived this horrid event(s) and determine if I need to find closure or take steps toward forgiveness.
- What am I good at or what do others same I’m good at?
- What would I like to pursue or get back to doing if I stopped? If I stopped, why?
- What recurring struggles do I face?
- What am I afraid of and why?
- What do I fear the most and why?
- What do I remember most about my childhood?
- What kind of people are attracted to me? Does this reflect something I am unconsciously displaying?
- What are my triggers for happiness, fears, or pain? Why?
- How do I communicate with myself and my loved ones? What feedback am I given? How might I improve?
- What choices have I made that I am most proud of? What choices do I regret and why? What did I learn from each?
- What do I require to feel loved by others that is non-physical? What qualities do I look for in others to fulfill these needs? Have my methods worked? If not, what is necessary for me to do differently?
What do I love about myself? I must come up with at least three things.
- Where do I see myself in the next year and how do I plan to get there?
This list could go on and on, but I hope that you understand the internal deep-dive that is required. Be receptive and do not second guess yourself. Only focus on what YOU can control. You will scratch the surface of how complex you actually are. Take your time. This is the beginning of your journey, not the end.
Within this process, you will realize how wonderfully made you are; what sets you apart from everyone; how strong and resilient you are; what you have to offer; what traits you may need to work on; and how the image of your own self-worth will skyrocket. You will forever have a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship with yourself and others as long as you choose to grace them with your new positive vibration. Now, OWN IT!!!
“Straighten your back and walk in your greatness!” – Diane