No matter how busy you both get; you must always make time for each other. Sparks will not fade as your marriage continues if you nourish your relationship just like you did when you started dating. Do your best to not get into any mondaine routines and keep intimacy as an utmost priority. Both you and your spouse will grow bored with routine lifestyle.
Some keys to a beautiful and fulfilling relationship are:
1️⃣ Communicate with engagement while you listen to understand and not to respond
2️⃣ Talk to each other
3️⃣ Learn yourself and one another daily by asking thought-provoking questions
4️⃣ Grow with one another with a goal for both of you to be able to be in full alignment with who you truly are
5️⃣ Believe in your form of source energy
6️⃣ Have respect for one another
7️⃣ Be Selfless
8️⃣ Encourage and support goals, dreams, aspirations
9️⃣ Show them that you love them, which goes WAY further than just empty words
1️⃣0️⃣ Enjoy the journey of life together, including all of ups and down…etc… Do this and you can experience the infinite circle of falling in love with your mate over and over again.
We can all agree that the teenage years are the most chaotic, frustrating, hormonal with emotional highs and lows, impressionable, risk-taking, yet rewarding years for our girls. I swear, weren’t we just changing their diapers? We can’t help but feel a bit of pride, right seeing them grow into young women? And then, we snap out of it and reality hits…our babies will be leaving the nest soon. I have raised two daughters and let me tell you not every day was a walk in the park, that’s for sure.
The transition from Middle to High school. OMG! Night and day! I believe that all parents do their best to raise their children, however, not all children chose to listen to their parents advise. My daughters’ association has been the most influential during this time. I reflect on how I was as a teenager and to be honest, today’s generation is not much different. (I will state that during my daughter’s upbringing their father and I did go through a divorce and both of us has since re-married. Co-parenting has its separate issues, I’ll save that blog for a different day.)
Noticing that this generation did not think that much differently, I left the ideology method that was ingrained in me and went with more of a holistic approach. As a result, this method has saved both my daughters and myself from most heartaches.
So, where did I start?
Communication. Not the simple and ordinary Yes/No conversations. Incorporating open communication in various ways that build emotional and mental health is key. The more powerful open-ended questions you ask your teenager the better. Some of the best questions you can ever ask are, “What else?”; “What was the best/worst part about your day?”; and “How did that make you feel?”, etc.
Educate using reality-based empathy. What exactly does that mean? It is imperative that you realize that your teenager’s hormones will spiral out of control sooner or later. Sex, birth-control, diseases, relationships, depression, self-doubt, and confidence are areas that need to be explained in great detail. Have those conversations with 100% transparency with zero sugar-coating. They have access to the world by way of cell phones, so you need to realize that they have probably heard and seen it all. Cultivate a safe space for learning. Teach them coping mechanisms when times seem challenging. Reassure them of how they are enough with unapologetic support. Encourage your girls to study hard and be the best version of themselves. Give them what the internet and social media cannot, you.
Active Listening. You must listen intently to what she says without reaction. Yes, without reaction. Harness your initial impulse response. Allow your child to express themselves freely. Remember, your teenager sees all forms of body language and will shut down at the first sight of any judgmental behavior albeit verbal or non-verbal. You possess the power to change the entire narrative of any conversation with your teenager by remaining present.
Reflect. We were all teenagers once; now is the time to ask yourself questions similar to the following: Did you wish your parents handled certain situations differently? Was there a subject area where you wanted your parents to be more understanding? What conversations do you wish you could have had with your parents? In hindsight, what could your parents have focused on more with you or what did you learn too late? What would you tell your teenage-self, if you could? Answering these questions will honestly start guiding you in the right direction regarding certain matters.
The sense of belonging. This is such an old adage that will never go away from being a teenager. Recognize that there is an innate quality within teenagers that will cause them to want separation from their parents. Friends are now will their priority. No, you have not done anything wrong. The key is not to take this personally. You can also learn and grow with your teenagers during these pinnacle years. Take a breath to reflect and enjoy these years. Following these key principles will aid in an amazing relationship with your teenage girls.
Men and women long to have fulfilling relationships regardless of age. The complexities of relationships change as we mature over time. The wonderful fact is that everyone changes; however, some faster than others. We have an innate desire to be with others that complement us at that particular season of our lives. I have often fallen to my demise at this initial step. I expected my significant others to be at the same pinnacle point in their life as I was. My life seemed to go in a downward spiral leading to unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships, thus my feeling of self-worth plummeted at the same time. Sound familiar?
I asked myself what needed to change. What was wrong with me? Why could I not find my sought after soulmate? Was it me or them? I took a deep dive with the assistance of Diane, from www.theartofwaking.com, and performed an internal diagnostic test. This was 100% free, but I had to be honest with myself and put aside all of the resistance, excuses, baggage, and thoughts of procrastination. It was imperative that I take my time and get back to basics.
Let me give you some background…I was initially married at age 21 and divorced at 30. I know that most of my readers are going to say well, ‘What did you expect, marrying at such a young age?’, but hear me out. Yes, that was extremely young, but, hey, if I didn’t go through adversity, I would not be able to be here to share with you how to overcome challenges and to find and create a beautiful long-lasting relationship.
Relationships. Generally, you instantly think of two people, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, and wives, right. All of these are correct; however, none of these will solely create a gratifying long-lasting relationship for you. What I am getting ready to say may seem simple; but if performed in the proper way it can save you heartache, frustration, anger, depression, or anxiety. No, this is not a gimmick or an expensive course to purchase.
To unlock the secret to developing a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship after a break-up or divorce is 100% free, but it takes a lot of work. It resides in YOU! In order for you to be satisfied or have the feeling of fulfillment, you MUST put in the work. It is impossible for anyone else to make you happy if your mindfulness, self-awareness, and self-regulation are not sound. All of these factors make up part of our overall Emotional Intelligence (EI). If you are getting ready to say, ‘been there, done that’ you are already missing the point.
It is crucial to self-evaluate. Mindfulness means being in a present state while you intentionally recognize and focus on the here and now without action. Self-awareness means to know your emotions, strengths, weakness, and what leads to our inspiration. Self-regulation is our capacity to manage our emotional state and our ability to think before acting. Self-evaluation is the journey that is necessary for internal freedom.
You have a superior version of yourself trapped within that you may not even know exists. It is just waiting for you to discover it. You may feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster. Soul-shower tears are encouraged during the self-evaluation process. Diane informed me that this allows the resistance or pain to leave the body and for you not to hold on to it anymore. This is a natural response and critical to your success.
UNLOCKING THE SECRET:
The Courage to Journey Within
Set aside time to meditate and reflect daily. Notice where your mind naturally wanders. Take deep breaths. Practice positive self-affirmations. Do not judge or try to control your thoughts during this process. This practice will increase your mindfulness while you focus on the present.
Self-evaluate, recognize, AND accept where you are right now. Cover EVERY facet of your life, i.e. relationship, family, profession, finances, health, etc. Say these things aloud. What did you come up with? Whatever your answer(s), write all of them down or type in a journal app.
Interview yourself *My personal favorite!* This step changed my life forever! I became in tune with myself and learned the most from this process. Interview yourself as if you were applying for your dream job or devising the plans for your next start-up company. Leave no question unanswered. Get personal. Yes, topics that make you uncomfortable or you have tried to bury. Challenge yourself and take responsibility for ALL of your actions and choices, the good and the bad. It is imperative that you make yourself uncomfortable. This is the ONLY way you to grow and find the necessary answers for a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship. Thought-provoking questions to get you started are below.
When have I been at my happiest?
What particular moment(s) will I forever cherish?
What particular moment(s) started my decline in happiness? Is that something that I can fix now or is it in the past? If now, what steps can I take to rectify the underlying issue? If in the past, be grateful that I survived this horrid event(s) and determine if I need to find closure or take steps toward forgiveness.
What am I good at or what do others same I’m good at?
What would I like to pursue or get back to doing if I stopped? If I stopped, why?
What recurring struggles do I face?
What am I afraid of and why?
What do I fear the most and why?
What do I remember most about my childhood?
What kind of people are attracted to me? Does this reflect something I am unconsciously displaying?
What are my triggers for happiness, fears, or pain? Why?
How do I communicate with myself and my loved ones? What feedback am I given? How might I improve?
What choices have I made that I am most proud of? What choices do I regret and why? What did I learn from each?
What do I require to feel loved by others that is non-physical? What qualities do I look for in others to fulfill these needs? Have my methods worked? If not, what is necessary for me to do differently? What do I love about myself? I must come up with at least three things.
Where do I see myself in the next year and how do I plan to get there?
This list could go on and on, but I hope that you understand the internal deep-dive that is required. Be receptive and do not second guess yourself. Only focus on what YOU can control. You will scratch the surface of how complex you actually are. Take your time. This is the beginning of your journey, not the end.
Within this process, you will realize how wonderfully made you are; what sets you apart from everyone; how strong and resilient you are; what you have to offer; what traits you may need to work on; and how the image of your own self-worth will skyrocket. You will forever have a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship with yourself and others as long as you choose to grace them with your new positive vibration. Now, OWN IT!!!
“Straighten your back and walk in your greatness!” – Diane